Riding the Rollercoaster of Being the Parent of Asperger's Syndrome Sons

Food is a big deal, after all I have to feed the boys three times a day, or more. Their metabolism is so high they don't seem to gain weight at all. I know they do but they're just so slender.

They go through food fads faster than any of my other kids ever did. When they like something they want to eat it for all three meals, everyday, until they tire of it. Getting them to eat a variety of foods is a constant battle.

Right now they have three favorites, fried chicken, tuna, and ramen. I mean seriously could any Mom survive on a diet of this stuff day in and day out?

We haven't seen a nutritionist so I just try my best at sticking to a wheat free milk free diet. The fried chicken is coated with corn flakes type cereal. The tuna is rolled up in lettuce leaves or stuffed in tomatoes, because, well, I don't mean to offend any food companies but the breads for these kids are grittty and I end up toasting it to make it feel a little better in the mouth. If you toast it though you have to eat it while it's still warm and even then its like eating a chunk of sponge rubber flavored with air.

I don't want to deny them the experiences other kids take for granted either, like going to fast food restaurants (even though they're a bigger hassle than just cooking meals myself). We'll go to the restaurant and stand in line, order our food, find a table, sit down, and then the work begins.

Since I grew up traveling I've lived in some pretty poor countries and I can't waste food. This is where part of the problem steps in:

If they order chicken pieces I have to peel the crust off.

If they order hamburgers I have to take the burger patty off of the bun and then pile everything else back on the burger,

Of course they have to use a fork and knife now, since there is no bread to contain the foods. So I have to bring silverware with me just incase the restaurant is out of theirs, and sometimes the meats are to tough to use a plastic utensil. Have you ever tried to cut meat with a plastic spork and no knife? What to do with the buns? I usually order myself a grilled chicken topped salad and turn the now empty buns into sandwiches for myself. At last I get some real bread. Woohoo! I miss bread!

Hot dogs? No such thing in their diets all the hot dogs I've ever seen have a ton of preservatives in them, the same with most prepackaged lunch meats. So please don't laugh when I tell you I've written a poem to gross the boys out when they're offered hot dogs.

Hot Dogs

Turkey wattles

And chicken lips

Little pig tails

And fat cow hips.

Take real bites

Not little nips.

They're hot and juicy

So lick your lips.

(I know, I know my poetry can get pretty bad, but hey, it's fun.)

Then there's the sodas they can't have anything with red dye so that eliminates orange soda, fruit punch, and grape soda (the old parental stand bys). My middle daughter has admitted that diet sodas containing aspartamine get her high so that also eliminates the diet sodas. This pretty much narrows our choices down to regular lemon/lime sodas and colas.

Now it's time for dessert. Look at fast food menus breads, breads, breads, and more breads. Apple pie - nope the crust is bread. Chocolate chip cookies - nope it's just sweetened crunchy bread. Sometimes if we're lucky we find a place with frozen yogurt. The enzymes in yogurt make the milk digestable for these guys, but if they eat to much of it boy, oh boy, do they get gas. Then in steps Buck with his jokes.

I'm sorry, I love to hear his robotic little laugh but other customers in the restaurants don't appreciate "bathroom" humor while they're eating.

Some of these places have little play areas in them consisting of various tubes, slides, nets, and ladders They are great physical therapy for the boys and it's so much fun for them they don't know that they're "working out," Once in awhile though we'll get dirty looks for letting the twelve year old play on the equipment since he's at the maximum height limit posted at these places. We usually just ignore them. If Buck notices them and says something to me I just tell him, "That's just someone who doesn't like kids".

School lunches are a joke for these kids they put milk on every tray, every day. The fruits are usually orange wedges (another no-no). If they don't serve fruit for a dessert then it's some type of sweet bread, cake, cookies, donuts. Usually the boys can trade these out to other kids for more vegetables or meats. They love the days when the school cafeteria is serving spinach, then they just keep getting spinach from all the kids that don't like it.

When they get home from school they need a high protien snack to help keep thier tempers down until dinner. We eat alot of boiled eggs around here, they also like nuts, peanut butter on celery, or on slices of apples, and sometimes a spoon of nutella for something sweet.

They also like trail mix and dried fruit. Turtle calls prunes giant raisins. Carob coated, or yogurt coated, dried fruits, and nuts are a major treat around our house. As far as chips go they can eat quite a few different flavors but I rather they eat popcorn. One of the ways we like popcorn is with packaged taco seasoning just to have a little variety.

Our bed time routine starts off with a cup of chamomile tea or sometimes green tea and then pajamas and a meditation then the boys go lay down and I pop a story tape in their machine and Buck gets out his latest book most of the time they eventually fall asleep.

Finances

Other Mom's aren't going to talk about this because they're embarrassed but the biggest hurdle right now are finances. I have to stay home there's no way I can work, everytime I've tried I get calls from the school, "Come take care of your son.", "Your son needs to leave school for the rest of the day." "Your son is having a melt down can you come and help." "Your son ran away from school." "Your son is under his desk and won't come out." Then there are the therapy appointments, Doctor appointments, Dentist appointments, etc., etc., etc...

So I applied for SSI we get $674.00 a month per child that is $1348.00 and we get $347.00 a month in food stamps that adds up to $1695.00 in Alaska poverty level for a family of three is $1907.50 a month our income is $211.50 less than poverty level (with the food stamps added on).

If I weren't sharing an apartment with my daughter we'd never make it financially. A decent 2 bedroom apartment in Fairbanks averages $1500.00 a month and heating oil averages out to $300.00 a month I spend about $600.00 a month on groceries and that's not eating anything fancy, once a month I take the boys to a fast food restaurant and we spend another $20.00 for a meal for the boys and I. I buy all of our clothes from the Salvation Army except the boys shoes. I spend another $100.00 minimum at the laundromat every month. Where's all the child support? There is none - thier Dad was court ordered to pay $345.00 a month per child (the minimum amount according to the state of Colorado) and I haven't seen a penny of that since I recieved the permanent restraining order keeping him away from the boys and I. These are bright boys and their conclusion of the monetary situation is that thier Dad doesn't care whether they live or die, much less have a roof over thier heads, food in thier stomaches, or clothes on thier backs. I told them that they are not allowed to feel sorry for themselves because thier older brother, and sisters, and I all love them and will always take care of them no matter what.

The Child Support Enforcement Agency is nothing but a joke. Their employees get paid every month for not finding one single father that owes anyone back child support. I could pay a credit agency to get the back child support but they charge 25% of the monies they recieve. If you've ever been on Aid to Families with Dependent Children they get paid first for every penny you've ever recieved from them. Woohoo you get pennies on the dollar maybe you'll be able to take the kids out to a fast food joint an extra time or two.